Gaining Wisdom With Age

I thought that the older you get, the more wise and assured you're suppose to be. But I think people forget to tell you that is a huge gap in the middle where you're more confused than ever.

When we're little kids in primary school, we are so sure of ourselves. We think that we're invincible and can one day do anything. Only as you get older do you realise all the limitations that society put on you. From a young age you are taught about what you can't do, as opposed to what you can do. Those with motivation and drive will break through those barriers and achieve greatness. If Barack Obama believed what he was taught and that a black man can never ascend to presidency, we wouldn't be where we are now.

Once again, another birthday has created more doubts in me that I care to have. It's strange as when I was in primary school, I believed that I could do anything and that I wouldn't have to work by the time I was about 35. That's still a number of years away, but now I realise that dream will most likely not come true.

My latest depressive sojourn was set off by my own good intentions. A friend of mine was really depressed as many things in his personal and professional life are going wrong right now. My intentions to cheer him up ended up not working and me getting depressed about the direction that my own life is heading.

I'm someone who tends to focus on the now and current. That, supposedly, is a good way of living as you focus on the good and tend not to mull in the what if problems of the future. However, that means I lack a general overall plan of where I want my life to go. I've started to wonder what legacy I would leave behind. The ego in me can't help but centre everything around myself, no matter how insignificant it is in the scope of the wide world. My friend John says that it doesn't matter as we will all die eventually and it won't matter what legacy we leave as we won't be here to know it. That is very true and logical, but at the same time, our human ego can't help but want our life to mean something and influence that of others.

People that have kids leave their kids behind. At least they've made an impact on one person's life in a very dramatic way. But what if you don't want kids? Can you leave behind a buildings, a company, a piece of art, what do you have?

This brings me back to now, confused still. This feeling will pass as usual, but it seems that with each year, I'm slightly more confused that wise. Is it because I'm asking more questions that I'm getting more confused? Is that wisdom? Hopefully I'll know the answer in 30 years time.