More Thanh Words

"My name is Thanh and I'm a Blogger". Now that I have admitted to that, I can say that I'm a stereotypical "geeky" Engineer who enjoys sci-fi books and movies and into all things technological. I also love music and have a passion for FOOD. I'm a social person and like to talk to people. I hate people who are fake or overly aggressive. If you're also into some serious discussion, with a pinch of sarcasm and a dash of real emotion, then please read on.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

Excuses From Friends

I think you can definitely tell when you start to drift apart from friends. The defining moment for me is when friends start telling you little white lies and giving excuses from attending things. I always say, if you don't want to do something, just say no. I've been implementing the "no" thing more and more since sometimes I just don't want to certain things. I would have said yes in the past and gone begrudgingly and unhappily. But age has taught me not to waste my time doing that.

When friends start giving excuses and conflicting stories of why they don't want to do something is the moment they aren't really a good friend anymore. Good friends don't need excuses. You just say no and the other person will accept it. Only when you feel you are obliged to give a little white lie is when the dynamics between friends has changed.

It's always strange how you can just so easily drift apart from your friends. I have written about it here and here. It probably just means that in your current state, you don't need them as much anymore. It also goes the other way where you drift closer as well. It's just a matter of what your needs are at a specific point in your life. Those friends who you keep for life are meant to be and are the ones who you can rely on most for anything.

Of late, a friend of mine has become more and more distant and is giving excuses for why they can't attend things etc. When we all meet up, it seems like there's not much to say anymore. It always seem like this person is bored to be around, in which case I think it's better to just decline things. I wouldn't put myself through having to be fake. I think what has happened was that this person used to only have us to hang around with. Now that they have other friends, they might be feeling that we didn't have as much in common as we thought, which could be true. I know of late it is only ever us calling this person and never the other way around. Anything that we "old" friends get invited to is just a secondary and last minute thought after we have invited them first.

I will see how things pan out but it may be that we have lost a friend from our circle of friends. This would be said, but such is life and I'm sure we'll all make and lose many friends throughout our lives. They all serve a need during a specific point in time, and for that we will be greatful.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

This person sounds like a Hii man

1/07/2008 10:00 AM  
Blogger M's nemesis said...

Hi Thanh,

Couldn't agree with you more on the feeling of friends drifting apart- it's hard because you unsure whether they're having to sort stuff out in their life or they just take a diverging path.

It's not just about your needs at specific points in your life though, but what you can offer in your relationships too and with some people it's made up of instances/moments that you've shared uni, work, travels or if you're lucky something that goes beyond all those things.

We all change and adapt but they're not the same for everyone. Hopefully you can work this out with your friends.

Be well

1/23/2008 12:10 PM  
Blogger thanh7580 said...

M, you are right in that you also offer friends what they need at that moment too, or you wouldn't be friends. I should have made that clearer. But the point I was trying to make was that you are necessarily friends with people for life but may share a moment where you both provide each other with something you both need.

1/26/2008 12:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this friend of your sounds like a classic case of a guy who is bored of his girl friend and is about to dump her for another woman. men are such pigs!!!!

2/06/2008 4:59 AM  
Blogger thanh7580 said...

Anonymous, hahaha. Well I guess this friend has dumped the rest of us for some better friends then.

2/06/2008 12:16 PM  

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