Tone It Down

The actual words you say can mean a lot, but the tone in which you use can be just as important. We are so used to a way to talking that we don't even notice the tone we use sometimes. I for one, know that sometimes I take on too sarcastic a tone, even when I mean things sincerely, it can be taken the wrong way by people. But on the whole, I'm not too bad. I'll take on the appropriate tone to help enhance the words I am using.

However, some people use the wrong tone all the time and this really can make others frustrated and eventually angry. Lately, I've been working on a project with another work mate where we are off site and isolate from everyone else. We are literally right next to each other for 95% of the day. He is a great worker and has plenty of ideas as well as a thorough knowledge of his field. However, his personal skills need a massive revamp.

I've told him many times that he needs to change the tone of his words becuase it makes people very angry at him. Today, I was so frustrated with so many things going wrong and his tone was really getting to me so I said to him that "I really want to hit you right now due to how you are talking to me." I know that is just his normal way but still it got to me. The problem is that he takes on a tone that sounds either angry or insulting. He tends to say everything in a very loud harsh voice like when you are mad at someone and tell them off, sort of like "You f**ken idiot" type tone. Now keep that tone in mind and apply that to everything you say. So even questions from me where I really don't know the answer get a reply of "Just plug that into that" but in a master telling a slave what to do tone. He doesn't mean it as he softens up immediately when we continue to talk, but its just his way of giving instructions. He knows no other tone, and many people have said that they get very angry with him. I've had to ask him many times, "can you not shout at me, even though I know you don't mean it."

I think that personal skills are just as important in being a successful worker. Unless you are the CEO and can afford to nasty and talk down to everyone, you will need to get along with others to work well. This means that you need to know when to take what tone with who. Some take well to a more authorative tone, while others you need to tone it down a bit more and talk to them in a softer less intimidating tone.

You can see the effects of tone quite easily. The next time you talk to someone, trying taking on an angry tone in everything you say, even if the words are something along the lines of "so how is your day, what are you doing here". If you keep it up, I guarantee you that they will ask you what is wrong and why you are so angry.